Three weeks ago they were messaging you twice a day. Now you have sent something nobody answered, one session got moved, and the next was cancelled an hour before it started. You are starting to think you should stop taking up their time.
Before you decide that, it helps to know what causes the silence, because it is almost never the thing you fear.
The most common reason by a distance is that they did not do the thing. They said they would write the design doc, or apply for the role, or have the conversation with their manager, and they have not, so every message from you now feels like a small audit. They wait until they have something to report, the waiting makes replying harder, and eventually the silence is embarrassing on its own.
The second reason is that their life got loud. A release, a house move, a sick parent. You are the appointment with no consequence for missing it, so you are the first thing to fall off the edge.
The third one is the good one. They do not need you as much right now. That is what progress looks like from the inside, and it almost never gets announced.
None of those are about you. So make your next message cost them nothing at all.
The move is to remove the report. Do not ask how the doc is going. Send something with no homework attached. I saw this and thought of you. Or, no need to reply, just checking you are alright. Or, my calendar is open Thursday if that is useful, and completely fine if it is not. One warm message, no obligation, and then let it sit.
If nothing comes back, send one more a month later and then leave it. Not coldly. Leave it in a way they can walk back through. I will let you get on with things, and the door is open whenever you want it.
Two things are worth changing for next time. Book the next conversation before the current one ends, because an appointment is much harder to drift out of than an intention. And say early that gaps are allowed. If you go quiet for a month I will assume you are busy, not that something is wrong.
A mentoring relationship that pauses has not failed. Most of them are supposed to.
– Asael Shinder
